Two young princes

Going to be kings

Need to be strong

Exceptional in all things.

Living in a kingdom

Littered with traps

Designed against honor

Their will shan’t collapse.

Displaced from many kingdoms

Generations roam

They will carve a new one,

A hard earned home.

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Playing in the shallow end

Is fun for those like she

Have a baby, sleep on gold

Enjoy the perks that be.

He can have his porno gal

As long as quiet is kept

But have that shit hit the fan

Then all will lose the bet.

The shallow end is dangerous

Drowning is a certain end

No one gives you sympathy

Your place we can’t defend.

I’m on a journey to save my life in the most profound way possible. Three months ago I started to meditate. Meditation gives me the opportunity to just sit and breathe. As I sit and breathe, thoughts come and go that bump me out of my moment of zen. These thoughts range from being mundane to toxic. The mundane thoughts I’m able to let go without much ado because an errant thought on that level can be addressed after the final mantra. The toxic thoughts come through and my nature is to dig in and wrestle with it. Childhood traumas to adulthood dramas raise themselves outside of my psyche and demand I pay attention to them. I get angry, but I push them aside and try to focus on my breathing. I swallow rage as I try to nudge them aside and try to concentrate on the calming voice telling me I’m a feather floating on a cool breeze. I want to cry as I try to ignore the thought and exhale an empowering mantra.

If someone in fuzzy dreadlocks, dusty handmade sandals, and mandala beads smelling of legalized cannibis tell you need more time to actualize before you find zen, you may want to buy them a bus pass to pedal that daisy and moonbeam rhetoric somewhere else.

Pump your breaks. Don’t dismiss the modern day hippie so quickly. They’re right. They are also wrong. Finding serenity is a long term journey that will end only when you take that final breath. As you gasp that final OM, only then will your mind find that elusive quiet. The journey is being zen. You are with laser focus taking time to achieve a sense of inner balance. The find balance, you need counter balance. So as you focus on your sacral chakra, don’t be alarmed if you suddenly remember that your brother hates you for being the first born. Don’t think you’re a failure if you start to resent yourself for your birth order while trying to remember to say VAM on the exhale. Don’t berate yourself if you find yourself getting pissed at the manchild for prolonging his childhood insecuriites deep into middle age as you try to visualize the color orange. Just breath. Embrace the anger and pain, then try to focus because the next time these thoughts filter back, you will be ready. You’ll be stronger. You will realize being zen doesn’t mean negating your anger, hurt, and disappointment. Being zen means to embrace that part of you and change the way you let that rule you.

So sit on your stool, breath, and let those thoughts and emotions move within you and without you. You would not be human if you didn’t acknowledge it.

Sweet

Kind

The best of humankind.

She watched my dance

And wanted me to teach her.

She wanted to know how to move like that.

Immigrant on the run

From religion, tyranny.

Landed on the shores of a land

That sheltered her from harm.

In return she nursed.

She lit up the sky.

She birthed a warrior.

And her complaints were few.

Then they told her…

News

So dark

So cold.

Today I sent out a really touching video about strangers touching each other and experiencing that vital touch of humanity. It was beautiful. I wanted to share a moment with my friends and family so we all could take a moment to detach from the negativity of the media. Well, imagine my surprise when I received as many responses as posts I sent out. Only one person caught what I was doing.

Only one!

Holy moley on whole wheat toast!

As the years go by

As time will fly

The good and bad will weave

A tapestry of sorts

That grows and courts

Memories that’ll never leave.

Wrap your hearts

Within this cloak

May warmth beat back the cold

May bittersweet, loved

Memories

Never ever get old.

A bully is not a kind man

Who is just misunderstood

A wife beater isn’t a good man

Who did the best they could.

A cheater isn’t a great man

Who has a special need

A liar isn’t a fair man

Whose truth is to succeed.

It’s funny how up is down

And right is clearly wrong

When bottom feeder humans

Are weak while painted strong.

Sitting in the balcony

Gazing down at the man

who said she was tremendous

A queen

His queen

His prize.

All she had to do

Was sell her soul

Birth his son

And wait…

I’ve been on a yogi journey for 13 months and counting. What started as doing yoga for a 30 day program turned into yoga every day. I have been practicing yoga for years, but the yoga-every-damn-day movement took hold of me in 2017, and I haven’t looked back. Yoga helps me to stay centered. It feeds my soul in a way no religion has ever done. What to many looks like acrobatics and stunts, yoga is much more than a fancy handstand or a twisted pose with a Hindi name. Yoga is knowing yourself and your place in life. It’s about staying true to who you are and where you are going. I can get myself riled up with world politics all day long, but as soon as I get on my mat…I can breath. And as I breath love in and love out, I know being present on that mat is the most important thing for me.

Today I finished my annual 30 day program with one of my favorite YouTube yoga instructors, Adriene. The culminating practice has always moved me. In 2016, I was in tears on my mat because what started out as Yoga Camp became so much more for me. In 2017, I got a little choked up, but my connection to my practice was so that I wanted to keep that feel good feeling going everyday. Thus, I began my year+ journey. Today, I completed the class with half my mind on my practice and the other half on all of the things I had to do off my mat. Having the husband walk through my “space” while I floated into a standing splits sort of broke the intimate spell I had initially cast onto my practice. I mopped up my sweat, did a solemn “Namaste” to my screen, and got to the business of the mundane.

Well, as I went through my day, I felt like something was missing. I was anxious. I felt the need to do something, but I couldn’t think of what I had left undone. It wasn’t until I was watching my son’s basketball game that it hit me. It was 2016 all over again in a different expression. I was not in tears. I didn’t need the tears to express how I felt. I felt sad that my 30 day time with Yoga with Adriene was over, but I felt reborn in my body, mind, and soul. I felt a special kind of confirmation that made me want to cry tears of joy.

So as February slides into place being led by a Full Blood Super Moon, I feel genuine peace.

Faceless stranger

Stands on the shore

Looking for wonders

To later abhor.

Sticky fingers

Dirty feet

Drooling idiot

Beating meat.

Demanding all

But giving none

Baptized in hate

Wanting fun.

Isn’t this great?

He sneers to all

As sweat beads down

Before his fall.