Ha, ha! Did you see what I did there? I’m so bloody clever.
Have you ever looked at a person’s Facebook page and wonder who the hell you were looking at? Facebook brings out the hypocritical crazy out of nearly everyone who updates it all the time like a second job. For the love of all that is great, I wish people could be real. When I say to “keep it real”, I don’t mean I want people to figuratively slice a vein onto their home page, but it would be nice to see that everything in their world isn’t all butterflies and fairies. These friends have the perfect selfies with their make up always on point and the angle just right. Their children are always smiling and at their best at all times. Their pictures and posts get 100+ likes from their 100+ friends. Jealous, anyone?
On the flip side, there are some people who vomit their guts onto Facebook all the time. No one wants to see that hot mess. Seriously, people need to stop making their Facebook friends into their therapist. There is one person in particular who uses their Facebook posts as a living diary. If she posts something deeply personal, everyone jumps in to comment and be helpful. Unfortunately for everyone who comments, she lashes out at their helpful comments saying they are not helping. She demands that everyone keeps their opinions to themselves. I wish I was making this up, but it’s true. But don’t worry. When she’s ready for everyone to dogpile on her pearls of look-how-crappy-my-life-is posts, she will let her followers know it’s safe to swim in her ocean. Her pictures and posts get 100+ sad/angry/wow emojis from her 100+ friends.
Lastly, there is a group of people I mute because they are serial re-posters. These people do not paint masterpieces of doom or fairytale. These people will post in 30 minutes on average 10 videos, articles, or memes they feel you REALLY NEED TO SEE. My newsfeed would look like their homepage. How many damned dogs slotted for euthanasia do I need to see? One of these animal-loving friends posted a picture of a criminally mistreated dog that made me almost drop my spoon back into my Ben and Jerry’s container in disgust. Yech! And for the sake of my sanity, I will not mention the deluge of posts during this year long political season. Sheesh!
Hidden between the posers, mopers, and re-posters are a few people who do keep the social media site a place to be social. I have to cut through the nonsense to see these people. Usually, I just pick up the phone and call them like we did in the good ol’ days.