Dear Busybody,

I know it was bothering you that I was not putting my soap on the conveyor belt like everyone else.  I know you felt the need to put a second divider on the conveyor belt to leave me a foot of space for me to put down my purchase.  Yes, I saw you, but I didn’t feel like putting my one item down.  Actually, the waves of anxiety rolling off you was amusing.  You wanted me to conform and be like everyone else, but I’m not like everyone else.  I believe the conveyor belt is for people with many items to purchase. Holding the soap keeps my hands from fidgeting in irritation because the lines are long, the checker is slow, and the woman in front of me could’ve let me get in front with my one item since she had purchased about a hundred items.  Holding my soap kept me off my phone.  I like to stay focused during this time of year where the crowds offer the perfect cover for thieves and con-men.

Watching you yell out to the young cashier that the next group of items on the conveyor belt belonged to you was also entertaining.  I guessed you figured I was too dense to speak up before the cashier grabbed your box of crackers.  I had to shut you down with a well-crafted line peppered with annoyance and amusement.  Don’t worry, lady, I got this.

Well, I hope my desire to hold my soap didn’t ruin your evening.  I hope your retelling of the rude woman who was curt with you for trying to be helpful makes you look grand to your hand-wringing friends.  The incident just gave me something to write about on my blog.  For that, I thank you!


The Soap Hugger


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